What to do when the law of attraction isn’t working

How good does it make you feel when you experience an incredible moment of synchronicity? You are thinking about an old friend, or an old lover, and — boom! — they call you! Or you run into each other at a coffee shop! You just know you are in flow.

And there is nothing that can make a woman feel more off her game than when she is doing her level best to make something happen, but it just won’t. Frustration ensues when we want something we can’t seem to have. It might be endless online dating that leads nowhere, or job searches that are not going our way, or the feeling that everyone else has more than we have. We just know when we are not in that flow state, and we just feel a sense of overall uneasiness that might even qualify as depression.

Our ability to create is native and natural. And when we are not living creatively, it hurts.

One of the very first and fun consequences of a woman encountering and owning her pussy — her innate creative, erotic power and life force — is her ability to begin to attract things into her life that had previously been just out of reach. For example, I got a huge long gorgeous letter, yesterday, from a woman who got married, for the very first time, at the age of 58. Deborah had been no stranger to self-help when she first encountered this work I teach. Filled with curiosity, with a hunger to grow, she had tried many many forms of “self-improvement” over the years, learning so much about herself along the way. And she was wondering what it was that happened to her in Mastery (where I teach the tools to support women in reclaiming their power and pussies) that ultimately changed things for her. Why had she only just now been able to draw in this partner? Especially, as she shared, since she’d been studying the “law of attraction” for years.

According to its many proponents, the “law of attraction,” if you’re unfamiliar, suggests that if there’s something you desire, you only need to put your attention on it and think about it in the right vibration, and it will come to you. It can be a fun concept to play with.

But, also, so often, Law of Attraction can become a tool of shame. Because if you’re not getting what you want, it can be easy to decide you must be flawed or not spiritual enough or too depressed, in the “wrong” vibration. It doesn’t allow for factoring in systemic, structural racism, for instance. And it gives primacy to our mental selves. I believe our thoughts are that powerful, but they are not the source of our creative power. And my spiritual practice has no room for self-loathing.

So when a woman comes to understand she has power to attract what she wants but she isn’t attracting what she wants, it’s deeply painful. Not only is there the disappointment of not getting the person/thing/circumstance she most desires; there is inner condemnation. “What is wrong with me?”

This, sisters, is where Pussy comes into play.

Part of knowing and owning your pussy is feeling all the feelings that you have, fully, and expressing them with your body. Pussy is fearless. She loves darkness, she loves light, and everything in between. There is no “bad” vibration. There is no repellant mood to Goddess.

Once a woman knows that and owns that, she realizes that if she is not getting what she wants, it is because there is an emotional experience in her body that wants to be expressed, embodied, known and owned. My student Deborah had experienced physical and sexual trauma in her childhood. When she began to practice the tools of swamping and spring cleaning on a regular basis (these are tools for embodying emotion; I teach them in Pussy: A Reclamation), she was able to give full expression to all of that hurt, grief and anguish in her body, in a community of sisterhood. As a result, instead of holding her hurt and sadness as she thought about partnership, she was able to release it. Unbound by this trauma, she was able to receive differently.

When we have trauma in our bodies, we can’t help but give our attention to our hurt.

When we are in pain, and we have been feeling those feelings our whole lives, we might not even realize how shut down we are, how dulled our experience of Life has become. Once we have a practice and a community to support us as we embody every drop of who we are, we no longer have to be afraid to feel whatever feelings we have. Because every drop of who we are is needed in the path to our own evolution. And as we open doors for ourselves, we open doors for others. Deborah got married at 58, and is now inspiring other women who might want ‘the impossible’. In living her desire, she got to move through all the suppressed pain and hurt in her body, and create a different storyline for herself and her family of origin.

It is a simple (not so simple!) truth that each of us is worthy of all we dream just by virtue of the gift of being alive. When a woman tunes in to her deep truth, she is able to finetune her relationship with herself, with her feelings, with her longings, honor and tend her wounds, and melt her way through any internal blocks that are keeping her from getting everything she desires. This is also how we as individuals can begin to heal our culture. Pussy teaches us we do not have to be afraid to grow, we do not have to be afraid to feel, we do not have to be afraid to trust our truth. We are not being punished by Life. We are wired to take every experience that we have, and go higher. One stroke, one step, one feeling, at a time.
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​​​​​​​Love,

Regena Thomashauer, aka “Mama Gena”
The School of Womanly Arts

Regena is a feminist icon, a teacher, a speaker, a mother, a best-selling author, and creatrix and CEO of The School of Womanly Arts.

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