Dear Momma

Mother.
What other word can generate so many deep feelings?
Eye rolling.
Sighs of frustration.
Misty-eyed reverence.
Bliss.
Rage.
Longing.
Disappointment.
Blame.
Resentment.
Unspeakable gratitude.
Heartbreak.
Deep, boundless overwhelming love.
Guilt.
Expectations fulfilled, and unfulfilled.

Motherhood is the motherlode of emotion. (Click to tweet!)
I am grateful to both have a mother, and to be a mother.
I am deep inside both storylines.
Neither has been easy.
Daughterhood has not come naturally to me, nor has motherhood.
I have flung myself against the container of both, and continue to emerge a better version of myself.
Mother’s Day rolls around and it’s time to check in.

Here is a letter I wrote to my mom this year:

linderpix-7377-verticalDear Momma,
One of the great gifts of my life is you.
You are the longest love affair I have ever had.
And one thing I never ever ever doubt is your love.
I know it, I feel it, I can taste it.
I count on it.
We have run the range of emotions with each other over our lifetime together, from deepest unspeakable darkness to most radiant light.
Being able to share you with the Mastery room is one of the great joys of my life.
I look over at you, and each glance is saturated with all the ways we have loved each other, the ways we have failed each other, and the ways our love and devotion has triumphed over all of that.
I think if there is one characteristic that I most cherish in you, it is your sparkle. You have such a strong life force. This spark is what makes you a brilliant flirt, what makes you eternally beautiful, and what allowed you to triumph over all of the hundreds of widows in your building to capture the love of your magnificent, hot fiancé, Ted. The love that you two share is so lovely and loving that it makes me weep.
I have inherited your spark.
It is what makes me the woman I am.
And you know what? Maggie has it, too. She is able, just like us, to take a situation, no matter how challenging or dark, and shine her light. She knows, deep inside, that light triumphs over darkness and that she can change her destiny with the power of her life force.
She has inherited your sparkle, your magic, no doubt.
What a gift you have given her.
I am grateful I chose you as my mother, and grateful that you chose me.
We make beautiful music together.
With love and looking forward to more more more,
Xo
Gena

I think that the role of a mother, ultimately, is to force us to grow.
No matter what.
Our growth begins inside her body — and continues over our lifetime, if we choose.
We can decide that our mothers inhibit our growth, or we can decide that they provide the perfect challenges in the ways they love us, or the ways they fail us, to force us to grow into the women we were born to become.
It does not matter if she is a “good mother” or a “bad mother,” a mother who shows up for us, or one who fails us.
She is still the perfect catalyst, the perfect opportunity for our growth.
And actually, we all have been given that “sparkle’” that I described in my letter to my mom — every woman has it. It’s something that is passed mother to daughter. And gratitude polishes it up and makes it even brighter.

In the comments section below, take a moment to write a letter of gratitude for your mom. No matter where you are in your storyline with her right now. Let’s celebrate that we were each given the gift of life, and celebrate the women who made us possible.

Love,
mama-gena-sig-180px

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photos: lizlinder.com

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