How to get a guy to love you

Darling,

You did it.
You got the job you deserved.
You slogged through and got the divorce you needed.
The kids are handled and thriving.
You make friends every time you turn around.
But why oh why does love—real true love, with an amazing partner—remain just out of reach?
What have we women lost, in our efforts to accomplish so much?

Mama G,

I came across your name on Mastin Kipp’s site “The Daily Love.” I am intrigued and am looking forward to meeting you on January 26th in NYC.

4 years ago this month I took a bold leap and left my 17+ year marriage. I packed up my things (and my precious 3 children) and re-started my entire life. My now ex attempted to make my life miserable every step of the way but I refused to give up and am happy to say I have soared without him. Today I have an amazing job in NYC (complete with awesome coworkers), my 3 children are flourishing (with VERY little financial support from my ex), I have incredible friends (both old and new), but I fall completely FLAT in the relationship (with a male partner) department. (I was in a 2 1/2 yr, dead-end relationship with a man quite similar to my ex husband and have spent the last 18 months “alone” for the first time since I was 18 years old.) Dating has been a disaster yet I attract new friends to me like a moth to a flame (literally I see the gift I have in manifesting new friendships…but NOT romantic ones)…and while I have some ideas as to why this is, it does continue to baffle me because naturally I would like to have a partner in my life. Where to begin?

Best,
Cathy (48, living in Long Island NY) 🙂

Dear Cathy,

I am so glad you found The School of Womanly Arts!
You gotta write Mastin a quick thank you note. Why? Because your life is about to change dramatically. You are about to contact a part of yourself that has wanted to awaken, inside of you, for over 40 years. You have just stumbled on to the Tools and the Arts that will connect you with your deepest heart’s desire – how to create love and intimacy with an incredible partner. And Mastin is the man that will have opened that door for you.
More on that later.

First, I want you to know that I so get you, I so got you, and I sooo feel you. As a single Mama myself, I know there is no more challenging row to hoe. Balancing the job, the kids, your ex, new friends, and this half-baked relationship you had is no easy feat. Exhausting and depleting to even begin to touch the spot you have been living in. No mere mortal woman could pull this off. You have to practically be a superheroine to do everything you just described. If I could, I would shower you with rose petals. Give you a Nobel Prize for reinvention. And then, just hug you hard, and say, ‘Way to Go, Sister. Way to go.’

But as you are noticing, wresting yourself out of an unhappy marriage, working your ass off, and raising kids are not what you might call an aphrodisiac for creating a great new relationship with a great new guy (or girl, if that’s your fancy). In fact, no matter how good you get at those things, and how effective you are, the part of yourself that calls in a delicious, hot, sweet, affectionate, warm, wonderful partner requires something else entirely. Attracting a man has nothing to do with working hard. Or being effective or well-organized. It has nothing to do with being a great Mom. And it has nothing whatsoever to do with harboring resentment and anger at the way your ex(es) treated you, or showed up for you, even if your anger is justified and they deserve your rage.
(We gotta handle that, and we will.)

You said in your question that you will be attending the Intro on January 26th. This is a really good thing! Because I am going to be able to teach you, live live live and in person, how to really get down and work some of these Womanly Arts and Tools that are utterly life changing, and no one teaches us, and know one knows, which are completely game-changing for women. Right now, you are frustrated because it’s like you just don’t know what buttons to push, or what actions to take to get what you want. And I want to give you those steps so you can finally, finally, finally be held, be loved, be seen, and cherished by an amazing man who worships you.

See, right now you are living in a cycle of hard work, and resentment of the men in your past.
You know how to DO.
You do not know how to RECEIVE. Great men are attracted to women who can receive, as well as give. Why? Well, men love to serve women. So, if you are busy serving him, the way you serve your kids and serve your boss, there is no room for him to be the man he wants to be. And receiving is not something we were taught how to do. We were taught how to serve others and take care of others.
Time to change all that around, Cathy, dontcha think?
I want to turn you into an incredible receiver!
It is only when you can flex your receiving muscles with the same familiarity you flex the giving muscles, that you will be able to draw a magnificent man into your orbit.
And don’t worry, Cathy.
Receiving is not difficult.
It is just a new practice for all of us over-achieving women who were taught to do it all ourselves. If you read my blog last week, you got a peek at how the graduates of The SWA Mastery program become really, really good at receiving, and continue to be great achievers in their lives, as well.
Right now, most women in this world are out of balance. The giving muscle is huge, and the receiving muscle is practically nonexistent.

So here are a few pieces of homework, until I get my hands on you on Saturday at the Intro. Report back in the comments below.

1. Each day between now and Saturday, do one tiny action, take one tiny step that is only for you. Show yourself that you cherish yourself and treasure yourself. This might mean something simple like taking an extra couple of minutes in the morning to put coconut oil all over your skin after your shower, or light a candle as you drink your tea and read some love poetry before you wake the kids for school. Treat yourself as if you were a woman, loved.

2. Write a thank you note to any and every man who has made a contribution to you. Appreciating men is so very much more attractive and fun than resenting them.

(If you find your rage and anger just won’t move, grab my first book, Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts. Do the Spring Cleaning exercises in Chapter Two.)

Cathy, I am so glad you wrote. I can feel the delicious longing of your desire. And I stand for you—for you and every woman who has a longing for something more, something deeper and more delicious than anything you could imagine. You are at the beginning of a pleasure revolution in your life. And I am so looking forward to meeting you on Saturday!

With so much love and pleasure,
Mama Gena

P.S. For in-depth training in receiving your deepest desires, join me THIS SATURDAY for my annual Intro event. Check out all the details here before registration closes. And if you’d like to challenge another woman to flex her receiving muscles, please share this post. Better yet, send her this video, or bring her to Intro Day for a live introduction.

P.P.S. Got a Q for me? Hit me with your best shot.

photo: lizlinder.com

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