Here was the sitch: It was the day before I was supposed to be leading a live weekend seminar for 2,000 women at the Javits Center in New York City. And Hillary Clinton had just lost the 2016 election. My staff and I were inconsolable. How were we going to deliver this event – and properly celebrate thousands of women – with this devastating news hanging over our heads?
I had planned to run on stage in a white pantsuit, carrying an American flag to commemorate this momentous win – the ultimate shattering of the glass ceiling for womankind. Instead, we were all sobbing wildly, feeling the fear of what lay ahead in the wake of this terrifying election outcome.
I was inconsolable, and scared, and I could not find my center.
I knew I needed help. I felt like I had nothing to give to those 2,000 women except my devastation. And it occurred to me that there were perhaps women in the audience who had, themselves, voted for Trump. So despite my passionate leanings, I needed to expand my capacity to love, to sister, and to create community.
Now, for the past 30 years or so, I have had an orgasmic practice that I do by myself and with similarly trained partners. This practice allows me to have as many orgasms as I want, no strings attached. (Read my New York Times’ Bestseller Pussy: A Reclamation for more details on how this practice works!)
One of my training buddies was scheduled to come over later that day to practice with me. I recognized that experiencing orgasm would flood my body with oxytocin, which, when released from the brain, floods the body with endorphins, our natural pain-killing hormones. These endorphins soothe nerve impulses that cause stress, boost our mood, and create a sense of intimacy and bonding.
But. My practice partner called to say he was busy in meetings all day with his own work emergencies, and could no longer fit me into his schedule.
I was so stressed out that I yelled at him, “OK, if you can’t come, then you have to find me somebody, anybody, who can come over and give me an orgasm today! I don’t care who it is…just get me someone!”
He said he would.
And a few hours later, the person who arrived at my door was Peter.
He walked into my apartment, where my whole event staff of eight women, and my mother, were sitting at the dining room table doing last-minute planning. They all said hello to Peter, and we went off into another room to do our stroking practice together. Twenty minutes later, he left, and we went back to our logistical meeting, with me feeling utterly transformed, refreshed, renewed, filled with hope and vigor, and ready to take on the world.
So, the place I met Peter was in the space of orgasm.
There was no conversation, really. He was there for the practice and so was I. Our agreement was for him to simply deliver an orgasmic experience to my body. And it was his pleasure to do so.
This practice has been part of my life for many many years, and in that time, I’ve had hundreds of practice partners. But not once have I ever been romantically attached.
Over the next few weeks, Peter and I continued to do this practice together.
And one day, I realized that I had a crush on him.
Peter was not my usual kind of guy. He was more Clark Kent than Superman. But, because I could feel him, at a body and soul level – since we had met on the plane of orgasm – I knew he was a king.
And it just so happens, I was a queen, looking for one of those.
So I did what a woman does when she realizes she has encountered a king. I told him I had a crush on him.
Which utterly shocked him, as he was used to holding firm boundaries in his orgasm practice. And he left, kind of surprised and rattled.
But he quickly came around to considering me as a candidate to actually date. In fact, later that night, he texted me and said “I think a part of my heart already loves you.”
And over the next four years, we continued to choose each other more deeply every single day. Just a few short weeks ago, he proposed to me at sunset, while we sat on our favorite rock by the edge of the beach. He had worked it out with two of my best girlfriends, and they hid a basket with roses, chilled Veuve Clicquot rosé champagne, and chocolates in a nearby bush.
The proposal was everything I loved: it was romantic, thoughtful, homespun, and glamorous, all at the same time. He knows me so well. And I am so grateful to be loved and adored by a man who is truly my king, and whom I love with all my heart. He was worth waiting for.
So it seems that in some circuitous and unexpected way, I owe my partnership to the loss of Hillary Clinton. And to the presidency of Donald Trump.
And I wanted to share my love story with you this morning, on election day, to remind all of us who feel passionately about this election and it’s outcome – that there is always, always, always darkness and light in everything.
In fact, it is only the darkest nights that allow us to see the brightest stars.
Wishing bright stars for all of us today, and every day.
With so much love and pleasure,
Regena is a feminist icon, a teacher, a speaker, a mother, a best-selling author, and creatrix and CEO of The School of Womanly Arts.