The myth of Hypoactive Desire Disorder

Darling,

You will love this fantastic question!

I have the most amazing husband in the world. I have 2 beautiful kids and I can’t seem to ignite my sex drive or get out of my grumpy funk. Any suggestions on how to find my sass, my swagger, and my desire again?
Emily

Dear Emily,

Oh, sister! You hooked a big one with this question!! Thank you for ‘taking it all off’ and letting us inside one of the greatest issues that women face in this country—what the medical community and big pharma has avariciously termed “HSDD,” or “hypoactive sexual desire disorder.” According to the Mayo clinic, 40% of women will experience “HSDD” at some point in their lives. As you can imagine, the drug companies are all over this statistic, seduced by what could be a multi-billion dollar industry, struggling to be the first to find a female Viagra. Viagra works simply by increasing more blood flow to the penis, which creates an erection. But as we all know, lack of sexual desire in a woman is not just a blood flow issue—it is that women lose interest in sex, especially with a partner with whom they once had passion. Blood flow has nothing to do with it.
Basically, Emily, for all the money they have thrown at the problem, the medical profession has, unsurprisingly, failed to solve this crisis.
But have no fear, Mama Gena is here!
The Womanly Arts are the antidote for this disorder.
Why? How?

Well, when a woman is disconnected from her desire, she is disconnected from her life force. She doesn’t just not want sex—she is actually in a state of continual disapproval of herself for her own lack of desire, which diminishes her desire even more, and diminishes her life force.
Why? There are a million and one reasons.
Each of us grew up on those dangerously grimm fairy tales that some day our prince would come, and lead us to our dreams and sexual fulfillment. And of course, not only are princes few and far between, but some of them (Prince Harry!) don’t even behave that Princely. And as much as they might want to lead a woman to her dreams and her sexual fulfillment, quite frankly, they just do not know how. They would if they could! But no one taught our guys what it is that women really really want—and certainly, no one taught a woman that her happiness and sexual fulfillment lie in her own hands, rather than in the hands of her Prince.

So.
We have a world that is uninformed about the care and feeding of a woman’s physical, sensual and spiritual soul.
Our life force has been hung out to dry.
And as a result, our sense of our own deliciousness has evaporated.
“HSDD,” sisters!!
What to do?
How to infuse this once lush garden with life?
How to moisten the dried out sponge?
And more importantly, how to tend the garden of desire—over a lifetime—so we never ever ever ever lose our connection with our life force? You can circumvent this problem with daily, consistent practice of the Womanly Arts. Let me give you a bite to snack on.

We have to begin with the real question: how can a woman want sensual connection when she is stressed, overworked, tired, dealing with housework, homework, managing a family, and/or managing a career?
There is nothing left to give when the well is dry.
So, Sister Goddess Emily, where I am going to suggest you begin, is with filling up your well.
What do I mean?
Well, check out my first book, Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts. You can download the first chapter here. And take yourself though some carefully choreographed exercises, designed to dip you gently into the beautiful, cool, clear, reviving waters of pleasure. Because you have been born with the gift of 8,000 nerve endings dedicated to pleasure, there is no way you are going to be able to connect to your innate sense of enthusiasm and passion without including pleasure in your daily diet.
I know, I know, you are thinking, “Mama!! Please!!! Not one more thing for me to do!!”
But trust me—pleasure is the secret ingredient, the secret elixir that makes everything else in your life possible. Way more important than leafy greens. A woman may be able to survive without pleasure, but, she will never thrive.
And the world needs you to thrive.
And when a woman is operating at full throttle thriving, every guy (or gal) looks hot to her, including and especially her husband!!

Here are some pleasure suggestions:

1. Choose one pleasurable activity a day, just for you. Pamper yourself. If you don’t, who will?
2. In The School of Womanly Arts Mastery Program, each woman is responsible for creating a Pleasure Basket for herself. She creates a collection of her favorite things for her bedside, which she is constantly tending and refilling. The contents of a pleasure basket are unique to each woman. She will choose some fun lingerie, or her favorite books, sex toys, videos, or chocolates. The purpose of this basket is to ensure that whether you are home alone, or with a partner, that your fun, your pleasure, and your joy is attended to and guaranteed. Too often, we leave our own pleasure out of the equation, in our interest in taking care of others. The pleasure basket is a great way to take care of you.
3. Flirt. Every day. With everyone. Men, women, dogs, babies. Flirtation is fun.

These small suggestions can create a big change.

Who else suffers from “HSDD”?
And what do you do to plug back in to your power source?
Please post all the tricks, tidbits and Womanly Arts that YOU use to keep the home fires burning, to inspire Sister Goddess Emily!

If you know a woman going through a dry spell in any area of her life, please share this post.

With so much love and pleasure,
Mama Gena

P.S. TONIGHT! I’m kidnapping you from your daily to-do’s and transporting you to A Place Called Rapture…the address to your passion. Join me 8-9PM ET for this free tele-class (register here)…

P.P.S. I want to answer your questions in my next blog post. Click here to ask me your juiciest Q…

This call already happened.

photo: lizlinder.com

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