The most unexpected gift

Darling,

I’m writing to you from Miami, as I’m about to board a plane back to NYC.

What’s spinning through my head?
“Through the Eyes of Love” by Melissa Manchester.
“I Had the Time of My Life” from Dirty Dancing.
The Sentimental Saccharine Geek has taken over my soul.

I have been weeping with gratitude and joy since we closed Miami with a round of favorite frames on the beach, at sunset on Sunday, with about 150 of the over 500 women with whom I have just had the flat-out overwhelmingly beautiful privilege to spend the weekend.

And, wow. Seriously. Wow.
What an incredible five days.
I just couldn’t be more wrung out, dripping with exhaustion, rippling with excitement and inspiration and – yes – so deeply, wildly proud for this community of extraordinary women.

First, we spent two days doing intensive work on Rupture with the women of Creation Course. Then, more than 500 women, a mix of new students, past grads and guests, joined us for three days of plugging into some brand new content about how a woman can unhook the shackles of what stunts her growth, keeps her small, limited, repressed and depressed, and learn to live Unleashed. Perhaps the most fun of the weekend was the Unleashed Olympics, where women were taking their Unleashed practices out onto the streets of South Beach and creating all kinds of deliciously holy mischief and life-changing adventures in Sisterhood.

After a large gathering like this weekend’s, I’m always left moved and inspired by what you all are up to, and how you’re taking the work of the School and the Womanly Arts and impacting and radically changing the lives of so many others.

As we have our third and final post this week on Rupture, I can’t help but be inspired by Sister Goddess Betsy’s story. She transforms her most intense, dark, beaten down time into something extraordinary that’s having a major impact in the world.

Sister Goddess Betsy, take it away…

******

Thank you, Regena. What can I share with you and your readers about Rupture? Let’s see …

When my marriage ended fifteen years ago, I pushed on with a prescription of Prozac and a glass of wine every night. Post-divorce, I seemed happy. It may have been the Prozac.

I started a new relationship with a beautiful man. He fell in love with me and then with my four small children. He even loved my wounds that I had always tried to hide. It seemed perfect, but when he proposed in the tea room of the Plaza Hotel in NYC, I said No. Deep down I didn’t feel like I deserved to feel good, to be happy, to be in a loving relationship.

I let my failed marriage define me. I let the sexual assaults during my childhood define me. I let an abortion when I was nineteen define me. I let the loss of my fifth baby, James, define me.
I spent the next ten years raising children. I kept quiet about the past wounds. Most people in my life thought I was doing great.

I read about Mastery online. The idea of being in a room with two hundred women did not appeal to me, but I went to an Intro to Mastery event in NYC where Regena was speaking. I refused to wear the pink boa handed to me as I walked in, and I didn’t speak to anyone.

After being betrayed by several of my closest friends, the last thing I wanted to do was make friends with a room full of women. The energy of the room was almost too much for my closed down bodymindsoul, but Regena is a soul-whisperer and after the event, signing up for Mastery was something I had to do. It felt like the most radical form of therapy I could do.

I didn’t know what I desired, but I knew I didn’t want to be unhappy and disconnected anymore. I knew I wanted to be a better role model for my daughter for how to live in the world as a self-assured woman. I knew I didn’t want to keep saying No to myself. I knew I didn’t want to keep being the martyr; the role was not sexy and it was wearing me out.

By the second month of Mastery, things were starting to shift. My relationship with my ex-hubby was healing, I started to feel more sensual and explored shifting my orgasms from a quick vibrator induced climax to researching extended orgasms (and gave up a vibrator forever). I mention the orgasms because if you aren’t fully feeling and receiving in one area of your life, it carries over into the other areas.

And then a miracle. I always desired more children, especially after losing my fifth baby, and I received a call that there was an abandoned baby named Loveness in Zimbabwe. Did I want to adopt her?

I discussed the option with my children and extended family. Everyone was thrilled. Even my ex-husband said he would help raise the baby. It seemed like a dream come true after many years of pain and loss.

A month later, I got on a plane to Zimbabwe with 300 lbs of baby supplies and a baby blanket embroidered with Loveness, a gift to me from Regena and my sisters in Mastery.
I landed in Zimbabwe to the news that Loveness had died. I ended up burying a baby instead of bringing her home.

My loss of Loveness is where my story turns to gold.

There was a point when I was burying Loveness that I wanted to throw myself into the grave with her. I wanted to bury myself with all the pain of losing Loveness and James, the loss of my marriage, the sexual wounds. I wanted to die.

But instead I spoke up. I stopped being quiet. I stopped hiding. I stopped disconnecting. I stopped pretending that everything is okay because I didn’t want to burden others.
I shared my pain and honored my sadness instead of medicating it with pills.
I moved my body, even if it was in the slowest walks or gentle swims, I kept moving.
I surrendered to all the sadness, grief and darkness. I sobbed until there was not one tear left in me. And through it all, I felt more alive than ever because I was allowing myself to feel again. I let all those tears release water the garden of my soul. I had gone to Zimbabwe for a baby. It felt like I had re-birthed myself.

My biggest rupture became my biggest gift.

The tools I learned in Mastery helped me shift from being a victim into being an advocate. I found my voice as an advocate for the abandoned children in Zimbabwe. I also became an advocate for myself and how I wanted the rest of my life to feel.

A month later, I was back on a plane to Zimbabwe to take a wheelchair to one of the children I met who was scooting along on his hands on a dirty hospital floor. His legs were atrophied and his name was Kuda. He and six other children were living in the children’s ward of a local hospital. Friends and family asked how they could help so I founded House of Loveness. Five years later, Kuda goes to school and is playing soccer.

This Thanksgiving I am hosting a “Giving Thanks Service and Safari Retreat” in Zimbabwe. Many women from the Mastery community are joining me to volunteer at the school we support in Zimbabwe. We will be spending Thanksgiving Day on safari and dancing that night with the women and children of Zimbabwe.

We will be celebrating life and Loveness.

SG Betsy

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Thank you again, Sister Goddess Betsy, for sharing your story and for everything you are doing in the world.

For those of you currently experiencing a time of crisis, use the tools, use this community, use Mastery. Dance. Move. Feel. Create from this time and let your Rupture bring you Redemption.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below. What do you wish you could go back and tell yourself at the beginning if it all? What Womanly Arts, tools and practices have been most helpful to you? What amazing things are you doing in the world as a result of your Rupture?

As always, its a gift to teach and to serve you.

To all that joined us (in actuality and in spirit) in Miami, I thank you. It was the most incredible time together.

In love and service,

mama-gena-sig-180px

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