As you more than likely know, I refuse to play small or be put in a traditional box. Shrinking, dialing down, keeping a lid on it just don’t work for me.
Truth be told, I don’t believe they work for any woman.
And especially if you found your way to my blog, I know – for sure and certain – that they don’t work for you either.
This is not a day, and not a time, for women to jump in a box and keep a lid on it. Rather, it is time for women everywhere to power up loud and power up proud. The voice of woman is needed now, more than ever.
In today’s email, part three of my four-part series, we are going to dive into a topic that is at the core of everything I stand for: turn-on.
Turn on is so misunderstood and so feared, inside of our culture.
Women have become afraid to ignite their inner light, for fear of being hurt, misunderstood, or disadvantaged by others. When, actually, a woman’s turn on has absolutely nothing to do with anyone or anything else – it is about her choosing to deliberately connect with her enthusiasm and her life force.
When a woman is turned you, you can actually see it on her.
Her inner light is lit.
She isn’t numb or shut down, she is boldly alive.
Turn on is the internal experience of brightness, rightness, and rapture that is our birthright as women – and yet so often stuffed down, dimmed down, and seemingly lost to us.
>>In my intro event coming up on December 2nd – 3rd, we’ll be diving deeply into turn-on— what it is, how to feel and experience more of it, and all it makes possible. You will catch it, like a fever, from me, and it will change your life. It’s a weekend full of embodied exercises, and it’s my free gift to our community. All the details are here if you want to find out more.)<<
Little girls can be turned on. So can grown women. But more often than not, women lose this internal aliveness as we grow older and experience more and more of the slings and arrows of living in a patriarchal world.
You can call it being lit up, or feeling radiant or being turned-on. These are all words to describe the same experience. And this experience is essential for a woman to live not only her best life, but her happiest, most powerful, and connected life.
Let’s start with a quick check-in and a short snappy quiz:
Are you turned-on or off?
How do you tell, you ask? Do you feel flush with enthusiasm? Beautiful? Strong? Confident?
Good. Then your light is on.
If you are annoyed or irritated by this question, your light is resoundingly off.
There are lots of very good reasons why we dim our light, or turn off completely.
Maybe your husband hasn’t looked at you as if you are the most gorgeous creature on earth in a long, long time. So you flip your inner switch to off.
Or maybe your boss constantly makes you feel inadequate, undervalued and passed over, time and time again. The flickering light inside you gets dimmer and darker.
Or perhaps just waking up to our hurting planet and our divided people has you just shut it right down, then and there.
I hear you, I get it. I share your pain.
And yet: Light is everything. No light, no life. It’s that simple.
Do you notice other women’s light? I am sure you do. You can tell right away whether it is on – or off.
When a woman’s light is on, she is approachable. You can connect with her. She is open, beautiful, filled with life. She ignites you and takes you higher. She walks into a room, and no matter what she’s wearing, what she says or does . . . she just glows. She’s magnetic.
On the other hand, when a woman’s light is off, you can feel that too. You approach her differently. You regard her cautiously, wondering what kind of darkness you might be encountering.
Will she snap at you? Ignore you? Resent you? Bring you down? Find you irritating?
When a woman’s light is on, she attracts.
Love. Sex. Job offers. Promotions. Friends. Miracles.
When her light is off, she repels.
Love. Sex. Job offers. Promotions. Friends. Miracles.
Nothing can live without light. Including a woman. And yet so many women do. Too many women live with a steady diet of depression, self-doubt, self-hatred, self-criticism, self-sabotage.
The moment doubt creeps into a woman’s head, her light dials down a bit.
Add a dose of disapproval, her light is down to a flicker.
She can completely extinguish her life-giving power in the time it takes to have a sabotaging thought of self-loathing.
The interesting thing about this is that it is not dependent on outside circumstances.
We all know the most overprivileged, overindulged women who have slammed the door on their light. And we all know the most humble women of modest means whose lights are blazing strong.
Being turned-on and lit up is an inside job.
What is that internal experience?
• You feel a sense of your own aliveness and your life force
• Your native enthusiasm is intact
• Your ability to reach for pleasure is on – especially when it seems difficult
• You’re in your right mind and your highest power
• You’re you– full, complete and whole
Turn On is the space where you know the perfection of your being – that it’s a privilege to be a woman, to be you, to be alive, to be given the gift of feeling pleasure with our body.
Once planted in her authentic turn-on, a woman begins to grow in a way that she cannot and will not grow when her lid is on. You can trust a woman who is turned on. Kind of like the way you just trust a tree to grow.
A turned on woman learns she can deeply trust herself. She pays attention to her desires, and treats them as her roadmap.
She can truly feel her deep yes and her deep no.
She relaxes into the unknown, rather than forcing or muscling her way through life.
She knows she can handle obstacles, and understands that each one forces her to expand in new ways.
She experiences the divine in everything, especially herself.
Within you, within me and within each woman is the source of our own power.
She is our antidote to shame, and the wellspring of our deepest intuition.
She is our divinity, our spiritual center, the timeless point of our attraction, and our power source.
She teaches us that our joy is serious business.
She is anchored to our truth.
She teaches us our unshakeable confidence.
So . . . how do you turn on? Where do you start? Here are 3 Tips to try:
1. Even if this feels impossible – start with pleasure. Enjoyment. Satisfaction. What is one tiny thing, or one not so tiny thing that pleases you – about you? We all have circumstances in our life we’d love to be different, but it’s always a good day to love ourselves.
2. What can you be grateful for – right now, right here? What is going right? What is one thing you (perhaps secretly) love about your body? What is one part of your life you’re proud of? Write out a list of all you’re grateful for, all you’re proud of, all you’re enjoying amidst anything and everything going on.
3. Find a spot, today, to slow waaaay down, and fully savor the moment. Perhaps it’s truly feeling the slinky pleasure of getting dressed. Or savouring the richness of a particular food. Or noticing the amazing colors in the sky at sunset. Or appreciating someone in your life in a new way and expressing that to them. Slow down, notice and fully experience those moments. Let the sensations and experiences and emotions bloom.
There is pleasure available, moment by moment. Our bodies are made to be turned-on, lit up and radiant. The first step to reclaiming that is to rediscover all the places it’s already there.
In the comments below, I invite you to share all of the places in which life has forced you to turn your lights off and keep a lid on your life force.
Describe ways you have found to remain turned on despite all of the social conditioning that exists to turn a woman off.
Sometimes writing it down is all it takes to start viewing things through a more turned on lens, and to make progress towards being more engaged and enthusiastic.
Don’t ever forget: you are beautiful and powerful and deserve everything life has to offer. No one and nothing can keep us in a box – I deserve, you deserve, we all deserve to live full out!
With love and pleasure,
Regena Thomashauer, aka “Mama Gena”
The School of Womanly Arts
Regena is a feminist icon, a teacher, a speaker, a mother, a best-selling author, and creatrix and CEO of The School of Womanly Arts.
P.S. If you have gotten this far in this e-mail, it means that turn on turns you on. You can sense the secret ingredient superpower within. I want you to walk, run, leap, twirl, fly, or do whatever it takes to get to the Womanly Arts Experience in New York City on December 2nd and 3rd. There is so much available for us, as women, when we come together, turn on, and open the floodgates to the full potential of what we can create in our lives. Learn more, and reserve your seat right here.
P.P.S. In case you missed the other posts in this series, check out Part 1 about the 4 keys to an extraordinary life, and Part 2 on how to get out of your head – and why, and Part 4 on the truth about mean girls.