I have a question for you.
Today is happening. Train has left the station.

So, what have you done so far today that makes you feel lit up? Happy? Beautiful? Sexy? ALIVE?

What have you done to please yourself today?
I want to know.

So many women I ask, can’t answer this question.
Maybe you are one of them?
And if you are, sister, it’s way more than okay.

Girls and women are not taught how to access their own turn-on.

 And more than “not taught,” we’re actively discouraged from learning what pleases us.

So many of us were told that to be “good,” we need to take care of others. Assess the needs and desires of others. Do for others.

And how does that play out? We prioritize what others want from us over what we want for ourselves. We do our best to be everything to everyone. We settle for crumbs. 

I mean, for some of us, it’s been so long since we thought about our desires, we have no idea what they would even be. We shut down our turn-on. 

And this turn-off as a way of being leaves us depleted – seriously depleted. And resentful. (Even if we pretend it doesn’t – I see you, fellow martyrs, lurking there in the back!)

When we get with our girlfriends, it’s natural to talk about all the places where we’re overworked, under-appreciated, and bone dry. They understand. And it’s so important to give voice to our righteous frustrations…

Yet, cataloging everything that is wrong doesn’t tend to give us more of what we want. It falls under the category of crumbs.

I want you to get what you want, sisters. All of it.

 And choosing to turn on is the pathway. Really.

I know it can feel pretty hard to find your turn-on when you’re sick and tired and resentful. But I’ve got you.

There’s a way in. And the beauty is this: you already know what it is and you already know how to do it.

Ready? Notice what lights you up and do more of that.

Like Dorothy’s red slippers, my pretty, you’ve had it all along.
You know who you are.
Your desire is not gone.
Not silent.
It’s just waiting to be noticed.

Notice what lights you up.
Start small. We can do it together.

Bare lips, chapstick, or Chanel red?
Champagne, beer, kombucha, or tap water?
What feels good on your mouth?

Dress pants or sweat pants? Jeans or a gown?
Breeze on your luscious thighs? Or hosiery?
Going bra-less? Or balcony?
What feels good on your body?

Wearing your springy grey hairs in a glorious crown?
Or coloring them to match your daughter’s shade?
Do you shave or prefer a wild bush?
What makes you feel beautiful?

Do you like baths or showers?
Coconut oil? Or body butter?
What pleases your touch?

A night in? A night out?
Many lovers? One? None? A few at a time?
What excites you?

Notice where you feel it in your body.
Notice the feelings.
Notice you.

There, in that tingling – that feeling of expansiveness. There is your perfection. Your portal to the divine. Your truth. Your strength. Your intuition. And mine.

That feeling comes from you, and your connection to your own turn-on. Nurture that, and you will always have your own answers. And, with practice, it will feel easy.

 Notice what lights you up and do more of that.

Because the more you connect with yourself, the more irrelevant the outside messages of a patriarchal society become.

Notice what lights you up. Not because lit-up women are beautiful and magnetic and fun to be around, but because they are fun to be.

That’s what I wish for you and for us, today, forever.

And, sisters, while I’ve got you here, let’s do more than wish! Take three minutes, right now, to jot down what you are going to do today to light yourself up – at least three things.

Then, share it with at least one other woman – so you can witness and cheer each other on.  

With so much love and pleasure,

P.S. If you know a woman who could use a boost, use some connection to her feminine, please share this blog with her, or have her join our mailing list (scroll down the page till you see a heading that says “Put Yourself On the List”). There’s lots of fun happening on our Instagram and Facebook accounts, too!!

Regena is a feminist icon, a teacher, a speaker, a mother, a best-selling author, and creatrix and CEO of The School of Womanly Arts.