I don’t want to go.

But I know – on some level – it is mine to do.

I try to wriggle out of it, but Peter insists. He knows how lost I have been. How desperate.

(Since reuniting with him, I have begun to allow his truth to matter. I trust him more, every day, which is a small victory for womankind. 🙂)

So, I pack hiking trousers, socks, shirts, big yellow boots, and mosquito spray.

And a few days later, I find myself hiking through the hot wet rainforest in Ecuador.

I am here because I need help. I need to heal.

But what had I come to be healed from?

A loss of faith.

And why had I come there?

Because it is a place that – some 30 years ago – a woman I know and admire had been guided to visit.

Back in 1995, Lynne Twist received a vision of herself flying over the rainforest. In her vision she saw indigenous people with painted faces. She turned down these visions, as she had a very rich and very full life working to end world hunger.

But the visions would not quit. So, down to the Rainforest she went, where she ended up creating Pachamama Alliance, a foundation that protects the headwaters of the Amazon and millions of acres of rainforest, also known as “the lungs of the world”.

I like people who are driven by dreams and visions. Because I am the same way.

 

I started the School of Womanly Arts in my living room 30 years ago, because the Goddess had come to me when I was a child and that discovery changed everything for me. I knew she wanted me to find her, protect her, serve her, and bring her message to the world.

And so, I did.

By starting the SWA, writing 4 books, including the New York Times Bestseller, Pussy: A Reclamation, and teaching over 80,000 students about using the power of the erotic as access to one’s divinity.

These days, the word Goddess is ubiquitous. Multitudes of women have been activated and enlivened by, not only my work, but the work of so many other women who have chosen to connect with this pathway.

Not bad, kid.

But the problem was, I was still bleeding. And nothing I knew could make me stop.

In 2019, the Goddess told me it was time to step off the Mastery stage. It’s true, I was deeply tired. I had done it for so long, with no breaks, while being a single mom and a solo breadwinner who was running and scaling my company.

But here is the deepest secret in the heart of hearts of my truest truth: I never ever would have stopped. Never. Not until I vaporized in a puff of smoke, onstage.

 

Why? Because of the way it felt.

The way it felt to hold hands with the gods, the goddesses, the ancestors, the spirit guides.

The way it felt to create acts of ephemeral beauty, outrageous courage, irrevocable transformation.

The way it felt to effortlessly spin gold out of darkness, release centuries of ungrieved tears, and mountains of unexpressed hot molten ecstasy. To open continents of laughter, oceans of mischief, and gale force freedom and sisterhood in all of its faces and forms.

It was not an addiction, it was a gift. It was where and how I got to be me, feel me, touch me, see me.

 

I felt so at home, so loved by the gods and goddesses, so in my right place and space.

And even though everything about stopping made sense – it was just before the pandemic, the time had come, there was no continuing – I felt like a wounded animal who had lost my home plate, my seat, my cathedral, myself.

But my daughter needed me, my relationship needed my attention, and so did my family.

Actually, I needed me, too.

Still, I felt like I was leaving the one thing that I was born to do.

Have you ever felt that way? Where you have to say goodbye to something so precious, so sacred, so hard won, so essentially you?

 

Whether it was a divorce? Shuttering a business? The death of a loved one?

There was no me if I wasn’t living my purpose, serving the world, doing my dharma. Without Mastery, without you, I was a pile of broken.

I needed to serve, to be.
But the Goddess had a different agenda in mind.
One I could not relate to. At all.

It turns out, She wanted to serve me…which is the last thing on earth I would have expected.

She wanted to find me, protect me, rock me like her precious baby, and bring my presence to the world in a different way.

She wanted me to rest in her arms and…surrender. But I had no idea how. Until I said yes to the Amazon.

(To be continued…)

With so much love and pleasure,
Regena

P.S. If you are struggling to locate your truth, to connect with the Goddess and follow her lead, then get yourself on the waitlist for my upcoming course, P*ssy Leadership Mastermind. Together, we’ll chart your next steps as a woman and a leader.