I got what I wanted.
Exactly what I longed for.
At the precise moment that I wanted it.
Wow. Life is amazing. I am amazing.
Now let’s get real: Who has ever had the opportunity to say those words?
Not too many of us, I bet.
Seems like desires are somewhat more mysterious than that.
Somewhat less generous.
We get what we want long before we can handle it or recognize it.
Or when it comes, it’s in a much stranger package than we could have ever dreamed, and we might even miss it.
Or, perhaps even worse: for all of our longing, all of our efforts, all of our suffering, no matter what we do, or don’t do, our desires seem permanently at arm’s length. And no matter where we go or how we try to shake them, they preoccupy our thoughts.
What is up with that?
Why do some desires float in effortlessly, while some seem to take for-f*cking-ever?
And more importantly, what can we do to increase our innate ability to conjure our deepest desires?
So much of our opinion of ourselves is wrapped up in how close we are to getting what it is we think we want.
When we don’t have what we think we want, we suffer that lack to such a degree that it can impede the quality of the whole rest of our lives.
I have a partner now. He is my man, my king, my best pal, my hot lover, my trusted advisor.
And it happened kind of ‘suddenly’.
I had not had a real boyfriend for many many many years. I was so busy raising my kid and raising my business, that I didn’t have time to seriously date.
And ‘suddenly’, this man stepped into my world and changed everything for the better. He makes me feel so loved, so seen, so safe, so gotten, so held, and so sensually gratified.
And meeting him was a perfect accident…that I created.
I hear about all kinds of desires being met in “accidental” ways…
Sister Goddess Chelsea, for example, just had a baby boy at age 41. And she and her man got married about two weeks ago.
Sister Goddess Paige sold her company for $12 million.
Sister Goddess Sandra, age 65, just texted me from Mallorca, where she is on yet another ‘honeymoon’ with her fiance.
So the question is: How does a woman create all of this outrageous goodness?
We do it by cooperating with the laws of “cliteracy”.
Cliteracy is the observation and study of the laws of what turns us on. When you study what turns a woman on, you are making sure that the atmosphere, the biosphere, the growing conditions that she needs to thrive, are met. Both on the inner and the outer.
See, women can literally be the embodied friend or foe of their own desires.
If a woman does not observe the rules of cliteracy, then she is not providing the unique growing conditions required for her desire to flourish.
And it will wither and languish on the vine – much like the Gardenia plant growing in my living room.
I so love Gardenias. I water this thing daily, I atomize it constantly, but it is slowly yellowing and has exactly one blossom blooming. The rest have fallen off. This plant just does not get what it needs in a New York apartment. It belongs in the tropics.
And we all know this.
We have all experienced conditions that allow us to thrive, and the not-so-right – or downright horrifying – conditions that don’t.
Let me show you what I mean.
Let’s look, for example, at how a woman operates, sensually.
When you try to rush an orgasm, what happens? Your pleasure stops.
When you criticize an orgasm, what happens? Your sensation radically diminishes.
When you are harsh or impatient with your sensual experience, what happens? Yup, you got it. Shutdown.
And desires operate by the same truth.
Today, I want to introduce you to the Four Key Rules of “Cliteracy”, as described in my New York Times Bestselling book, Pussy: A Reclamation.
- Cliteracy Rule #1: Pussy loves acknowledgement, praise, worship, and appreciation.
- Cliteracy Rule #2: She hates criticism, being rushed, being yelled at, being ignored.
- Cliteracy Rule #3: She who owns the Pussy, holds the power.
- Cliteracy Rule #4: Pussy takes the time she takes – for very good reasons.
The bottom line here is that your quickest route to change is simply falling head over heels in love with the way things are. Right now.
No matter how it looks, I promise you it’s the fastest way to get exactly what you want.
Yes, it feels terribly counter-intuitive. In this culture, we have been taught that change is brought about by criticism or disagreement. But that is not the way change actually happens.
Change happens with approval and appreciation, which is the pathway for more to come our way.
I know, it is the most difficult thing to do when you do not think you have what you want. But try it anyway. It works!
With so much love and pleasure,
P.S. If you know a woman who could benefit from a lesson in Cliteracy, please forward this along, and send her HERE to sign up for future blogs. And don’t forget to join me on Facebook and Instagram @mamagena for more ways to play!
Regena is a feminist icon, a teacher, a speaker, a mother, a best-selling author, and creatrix and CEO of The School of Womanly Arts.