The one thing you should do when facing a difficult decision

Have you ever been faced with a decision that hog-tied you hard and left you on the railroad tracks with an oncoming train in the distance?
Change is coming for you.
You know there is a step to be taken and you just don’t know which way to roll. Oh, the agony.

The thing about change is that it requires decision.

We all make so many decisions every day. What to make for dinner, when to get the oil changed, where to buy the cereal on sale, whether his fever requires medicine or a cold compress, how to start the meeting … Women, we just generally know what to do. Right? (Have you seen this Reese Witherspoon speech? She is so right about women.)

Many of us are decisive. To a point.

I have seen so many competent, confident, otherwise-decisive women struggle with the decisions that are for themselves. If it’s for a loved one, we feel clear. If it’s a business decision, it’s simple. If it’s for ourselves, well, that’s another matter. Things get soupy.

Sisters, we’ve lost generations of women to indecision.

When faced with a choice, there are three possible responses:
1. Yes.
2. No.
3. Something in the middle.

When we’ve got a strong yes or no, we know what to do; it’s that something in the middle that trips us up and can get us stuck. Because in that place of not-yet-yes-and-not-yet-no, we feel irritation and agitation. Nobody likes that place, so we tend to jump out, thinking it’s a “bad” or “wrong” place to be. It can’t be right if it’s this uncomfortable. (That’s toxic masculine messaging by the way, because the feminine knows that discomfort isn’t unnatural — for starters, it’s how babies get here.)

Truth is, stepping into agitation is always a victory.

I don’t know what it feels like to become a butterfly but between caterpillar and beautiful fluttering creature, there is this period of … mush. There’s an in-between. And it probably feels confused and shapeless before it feels magnificent.

But if we never stay with the in-between long enough to see the other side of it, if we never trust that there’s wisdom in the mush and muddiness, in the chrysalis, in the underground, then there’s a part of aliveness we risk missing.

When you are faced with indecision — when you don’t know if you should leave your relationship, quit your job, keep on with IVF, take the course — when part of you says yes and part of you says no, there is always a way through: talk with a self-satisfied, turned-on woman.

Find a woman who is alive, who is bright-eyed, who knows how to please herself. Find a woman who is lit-up. And talk it through with her. Lit-up women have a way of amplifying our own voices. She’s travelled these roads and come out the other side. You can hear your own desires better in conversation with a woman who knows hers. It’s brilliant how this works. And, with practice, you’ll become that lit-up woman, unafraid of the agitation. Alive, alive, alive.


Regena Thomashauer, aka “Mama Gena”
The School of Womanly Arts

Regena is a feminist icon, a teacher, a speaker, a mother, a best-selling author, and creatrix and CEO of The School of Womanly Arts.

p.s. This week’s post was inspired by all the women who have recently walked through indecision and found their truth around joining us for Mastery this year. Thank you for reaching out and following your courage.

p.p.s. If you’re still on the fence about Mastery but have been considering it, let’s get you clear, one way or another. The course is almost full, and it starts in less than two weeks. Hit reply to this email or call 212-787-2411 X 1 today, to connect one-on-one with a course graduate!



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The School of Womanly Arts Mastery Program — Regena’s signature, internationally-renowned work — begins in under two weeks, and registration is nearly full. Mastery was created over 20 years ago, to be a road map for women to get unstuck, turned on, and thriving inside a deeply supportive community. It is an immersive, experiential course unlike anything else in the world, with a combination of live intensives in New York City with Regena — Mama Gena herself — and ongoing support structures in-between. Women come from around the globe to join the movement and change their lives. Are you thinking of joining them?

If you’re inspired, or intrigued, or this awakens something inside you – book an exploratory call with our team (Stacy, Lilly, or Lauren are ready for you) to ask questions and see if 2018 feels like your year for Mastery.


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