I feel like an idiot.
I am such a loser.
I hate myself.
How many times have you slung one of those phrases at your sweet, unsuspecting self?
It gets worse.
I am so fat.
I am too old.
I look like sh*t.
I hate my body.
How many times have you stood by, while a girlfriend has bombed herself with one of these verbal grenades? And then tossed one in yourself, at yourself, for good measure?
“You hate your body? Yeah, I hate my body, too.”
One of the single greatest invisible, undiagnosed epidemics of our time is the consistent, unreported, and unrecognized attacks that women assail themselves with, consistently, every single day, from the moment they wake up in the morning until they put their head on the pillow at night.
Each little nip of self-hatred exacts a price.
Your confidence, your joy, your enthusiasm, your sexy.
And ultimately, your health.
And the worst aspect of this invisible epidemic? It is so prevalent that no one notices. And no one interferes or objects. There are whole industries that have sprung up to profit from this self-hatred craze: the diet industry, the beauty industry, plastic surgery, psychotherapy, pharmacology, etc.
What should I do if I hate myself?
How do I stop hating myself?
I should go on a diet, get liposuction, have therapy, get my hair straightened and take Prozac — right?
The antidote to self-hatred does not live in anyone else’s hands.
You can’t buy it, order it online, or take two and call me in the morning.
It lives in your hands.
Woman to woman.
The antidote to self-hatred is a revolution.
The Pleasure Revolution.
It lives inside the choices you make, every day. That I make, every day.
The first step is noticing.
And that is what I want you to do first.
Get out a journal.
Keep a record.
Make a spreadsheet.
I want you to notice how many times you trash yourself — and how many times the women around you trash themselves every day.
Notice your kid.
And report your findings, right here.
And then I want you to take on the antidote.
The antidote to self-hatred and self-doubt is not about fixing anything. It is about making a different choice. A radical choice. A revolutionary choice. A Pleasure Revolutionary choice.
It is called celebrating yourself, for no reason.
Yes, you heard me.
Celebrating yourself, and others, for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
Except — you can.
Well, let’s take this apart for a minute:
There is no real reason to hate yourself, now, is there?
It is just a pesky little piece of cultural conditioning that we have inherited from a culture that does not yet understand nor honor the value of the feminine.
And women are the worst offenders, the perpetrators.
We spread self-hatred like a virus. Woman to woman, girl to girl.
If we wanted to, we could do the same thing with the virus of self-love.
Just for the fun of it.
And there is no reason not to.
I took my daughter and her friend shopping last week and the girls bought twin dresses. I took pictures of them in my phone. But my girl did not find those photos at all nearly close to pretty enough, so she grabbed the phone, reset the lighting and did her own glamour photo shoot, getting exactly the pretty she wanted for her and her bestie. You have to reach for it — grab it — and take it.
Let me give you a fast easy game changer. The next time you begin to trash yourself:
Grab this exercise from my book, Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts:
A womantra is your statement about who you are, as a free woman on the planet, having your way. Here’s one example that I love:
I love you, you’re quirky.
I love you, you’re brave.
I love you, you’re glorious.
Create your own womantra, your own personal statement of yourself as a woman. The benefits come not from dwelling on inequality but, instead, from fully experiencing your freedom. Just take your pen to paper and see what flows. Womantras don’t have to rhyme. They don’t have to make sense. They are for yourself just to entertain you and inspire you.
I want you to report your findings, right here. What have you noticed about those internal messages of self-doubt and self-hatred you send yourself?
And let me know how you do with spreading the new epidemic of self-love for no reason. I am counting on you. What is your womantra today?
With so much love and pleasure,
P.S. For more exercises like “The Womantra,” click here to check out my first book, Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts. It is smashing fun…
P.P.S. For deep down dirty retrenching with yo Mama, get your sexy ass in Virtual Pleasure Boot Camp. Click here to enroll.