“I know you want me”? Are you kidding?


Do the words “I know you want me” fall flat on your ears? Like a thud. Clunk. Or even a halting screech? If so, you’re not alone:

Dear Mama,
What were you thinking?! I absolutely love you and the work that you do, but why would ever title your event something as trivial as “I know you want me”? Pitbull? He’s a former drug dealer who named himself after a dog. I expect you to empower me and inspire me in the face of this kind of misogynistic nonsense running rampant in society. I haven’t yet taken your class, but I’ve been going to your orientations for five years now, and I’ve always gotten something great out of them. You open my imagination and put me back in touch with the woman that I am. I’m 39, very successful, have a PhD in Economics, an amazing job, great friends. The one thing I don’t have is the epic love affair—but I’d never be so ridiculous as to walk around thinking “I know you want me” in order to get it. I can’t stand women like that. It couldn’t be more shallow. I guess my question is two-fold: Why did you, as intelligent and insightful as you are, pick such a useless and obnoxious title? And, could you please give me some advice that’s actually helpful in creating the relationship I want?
Seriously Annoyed

Dear Sister Goddess Seriously,

First of all—know this—I can’t wait to see you at the Intro Day on January 26th. I am sure I will remember you. There are a few dozen women who are my Intro junkies. They have never done a class, but show up, like clockwork, year after year at Intros and graduations. I love women who cling to the fence. I so understand that spot, after sitting on it for so many years myself. I think there is a worn-out spot on a fence somewhere with my ass-print in it.

And I agree with you. This is one of the most irritating intro topics ever thought of, ever, in the history of woman.
Why is it so annoying?
Because it is a call to action, in a place that most women have no real experience, and no real muscle.
We were basically taught to fluff the despair and the disappointment off our faces with botox, get highlights, implants, and stand there smiling, trying to look perfect, while waiting for our prince to come.
Prince!! Come!!! Here, Prince!!
And Prince wants to come. But he is so confused. He has no idea why he consistently disappoints women and pisses them off so much. So he is gun shy. And unsure of when to make his move and what move to make. Or he’s had his heart shattered so much that his real game is gone. Or his bravado is on overdrive, making him too repulsive to handle. Or no one really taught him who a woman is, and what she wants.
None of the aforementioned guys can ever be counted on to pull off the Prince move.
At first.
But, inside each man, here, there and everywhere, lives a Prince that wants busting out. Every guy wants to be great. To serve magnificently. To contribute. To love.
And so much more, besides.

And the least helpful thing in the world, to a man, is a woman that has no idea who she is, or what she wants, or what makes her happy. Worse still is a woman who has no idea that she is amazing or beautiful, or worthy of love. Disaster beyond measure for a guy? A woman who thinks something is wrong with her. She thinks she is a loser compared to other women, or not pretty enough or not thin enough or not sexy enough to be loved.

No guy can cut through brambles that dense or climb a wall that high.
At least, in the Rapunzel story, she let down her hair.
All that nice, shiny hair helped her Prince to navigate, and find his way to her side.
He yelled “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair,” and she did, and it helped, and he climbed and they fell in love.
What are you letting down, Seriously?
Your disappointment?
Your fear?
Your frustration?
While those feelings are righteous, and can certainly be understood and shared by every woman on this planet, they are in no way, shape or form something that will attract a great relationship.
Or a great anything.

And all those feelings of yours are not something that Prince can possibly decode into any kind of mating call. He hears your disappointment and he wants to run the other way. Your fear scares him. And your frustration does not belong to him. It’s yours. And like a car, every 7,500 miles, your need your oil changed. You have been driving way too many miles on old dirty viewpoints that are not serving you or your most deeply held desires. In fact, your 39 years of accumulated frustration are making it impossible for you to get what you want.
Thus: “I know you want me.”
See, if I can get you to change your viewpoint, change your perspective, change your outlook, then I can get you right up next to your desires, rather than your disappointments.
And if I can get you right up next to your desires, then there is no how, no way that you can’t get exactly what it is you want.
And the only thing I care about in this world is getting women what they want.
Because everyone wins.
Men, women, children, employers, employees, governments, countries.
The only way for the world to change is for women to change.
Like Rapunzel, to let down their hair.
And to live, unequivocally, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the truth of this statement:
“I know you want me.”
So, Seriously, come, try this viewpoint on for a while.
The payoff is unbelievable.

In honor of Rapunzel, I want to give you a little homework assignment from my second book, Mama Gena’s Owner’s and Operator’s Guide to Men:

“Write a Little Fairy Tale”
Write down the fairy tale of love that you were raised with. Which kind of princess were you supposed to be, and what kind of princely rescue was supposed to happen? Really do it up with dragons, if you want them, illustrations of you in your ballgown, and of course, the happily-ever-after kiss. Let’s get that story out on the table. Read it out loud to one of your Sister Goddess gal pals. Get a little perspective on the unrealistic expectations you are counting on some guy to fulfill.

Do this little exercise and report back in the comments section below.

And Seriously, let’s get serious for a moment: five years of orientations? It is time for you to take Mastery. No kidding. If just one evening put you back in touch with the incredible woman you are, imagine what we could do together over the span of nine months? Let’s get your butt next to your desires…

If you’d like to inspire another woman to let her hair down, please share this post. Better yet, bring her to Intro Day on January 26th.

This event already happened. Check out The Experience.

With so much love and pleasure,
Mama Gena

P.S. If you really, really want to help another woman let her hair down, check out my newest video series, Someone Who Loves You. It’s completely free and will take you both on an unforgettable five-day adventure.

photo: lizlinder.com

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