I have to be honest…
Motherhood absolutely overwhelmed me.
From the first moment I pushed my baby out, I was absolutely overwhelmed with love, with worry, with fear, with responsibility.
I remember the first night in the hospital, after I gave birth to Maggie, and everyone suggested that I leave her in the nursery so I could sleep. But all I could think of was her crying without me, and I went careening down the hall to collect her and bring her back to my room, as I was unable to bear the thought of her feeling alone and unprotected.
Where the placenta left off, I took over.
This baby brought out my fierceness. My stubbornness. My unwillingness to fail.
She gave me the immovable resolve to stand for women in a deeper way than I had ever stood.
Until that moment, I had been on a circuitous path through life – taking longer than usual to find myself. But, the luxury of failure, half-assed or quasi, was vanquished by this child. And the purity of purpose took over.
I had no time to dwell in self-doubt.
There was a world of women who were being crushed by that habit, and I knew that that my job was to live, and lead, and be the antidote.
The habit of self-doubt is as vicious and virulent as an infection. You can catch it simply by being in the same room with a woman who doubts herself.
When you stand in front of a mirror and hate your thighs, or wonder if you are pretty enough to get the partner you want, or smart enough to get the job you want, guess what? You transmit that to your daughters, your girlfriends, your colleagues.
And I was (and am) determined to vanquish this condition in my lifetime.
Being a single parent meant that my inner masculine was activated, in order to protect and ensure the growth of all this feminine I was responsible for.
Thousands and thousands of women, one small girl.
But, as all of you know, when a woman abandons her feminine in favor of that virile, productive, masculine energy, it can drain the life force out of her.
I know so many women who have given up the soul of their feminine in order to do exactly what I did – run a business while raising a child or children on their own.
So many women have to sacrifice the softest, sweetest, most delectable aspects of who they are in order to climb the corporate ladder, or get noticed for a raise or promotion, or receive the recognition they deserve.
I did not want to lose touch with that part of myself.
So I had to teach myself – through serious trial and big-time error – how to create balance within, while managing so much without. Not just for me, but for Maggie.
I was supposed to be her mother. Not her father.
But when my masculine was on overdrive, there was no soft spot for her to land.
It became all about getting her where she needed to go on time, and not at all about connecting to her soul, or tuning into her emotional truth.
My own feelings were among the things that got sacrificed.
And that was no good for either of us.
So, I developed a little ritual that I would do, every single day, to slide myself into the sweet sexy waters of the divine feminine.
And even though Maggie is now a young woman, who is out of the house and living her adult life, I still return to these rituals daily.
I want to share some of them with you, here, in hopes that they will help you locate, feed, and nurture your feminine energy.
- I wake up just before the sun rises, so I can have that time for me. I light candles, put on some music, and dance naked, stretching and caressing and awakening my beautiful body. During this time, I am connecting to my emotions. So, if I am pissed, I dance pissed. If I am tired, I dance tired, if I am ecstatic, I dance ecstatically. And so on. This requires a great music mix that reflects my diverse emotions.
- The second dance is a dance of desire. I dance and imagine all that I desire for the day, for my life, for my family, for the world.
- I sit at my altar and spend time doing gratitudes for everyone and everything in my life. Whether I feel like it or not. By the end I feel like it.
- I dress hot. It helps so much.
- I end every night with a bath. Epsom salts. Lavender oil. Candles. No matter how late I get home, no matter what, I slide into that tub.
The feminine needs to be fed, like a fire. Or she will extinguish.
Stop feeding her?
She withers. Which makes a woman feel just awful. Inside and out.
And we simply can’t have that, my sister.
Hit reply and let me know if you share my experience of dealing with the masculine in overdrive. And what kind of rituals or practices you use to connect to your feminine energy.
How do you keep your lamp lit? Your home fires burning?
We are all in this, together.
With so much love & pleasure,