I have been a big, fat, giant, gorgeous ‘yes’ for many years of my life.
Yes to orgasm, yes to pleasure.
Yes to showing up and doing what it takes.
Yes to leading the Pleasure Revolution.
Yes to raising my child, by myself.
Yes to writing books about P*ssy and Pleasure.
Yes to travel.
Yes to showing up for my mom, my kid, my family.
Until now. For the very first time ever, I have given myself the summer of NO.
No to travel.
No to weekends away.
No to late night parties.
No to long drives.
Saying “no” can often feel like an impossible task for a woman.
We just want to say yes and please everyone.
We are often afraid to let others down. We want to do our part, and show up in ways that we are expected to show up. I have been known to finish teaching a course, then jump in a car and drive 2+ hours to help look after my mom for a few days.
Is this noble? Loving? Or overextending?
Audre Lorde said, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” She examined “the devastating effects of overextension.”
I wondered why I, and so many women, always put my ‘tired’ last.
And I realized that I was measuring my own worth by my ability to always overproduce for the work I loved and the people I love. I saw and felt this not only in my life, but in the lives of so many women I work with.
Self-care is hard work and requires discipline. It requires looking at our patterns of behavior and having some honest self-talk about why we do what we do.
It’s not about booking an expensive spa treatment. It is about a new level of treasuring oneself.
Here were the top three tiny steps of self-care that radically changed my relationship with myself for the better:
- Having a bedtime ritual: Every night at 9 PM, I drew a boundary to create wind-down time. Electronics went into another room, in airplane mode. I took a bath or shower before bed to wash the day away. I read a book or had sensual time with my man. And I made sure to have lights out by 10 PM.
- Listening to my body: I peed every time I needed to, instead of holding it in until ‘later’.
- Taking my sweet time: I sat down for meals with no screens and a cloth napkin. Even when dining alone. I planned for and prepped my meals for the day. This was hard at first, but so worth it!
Self care is about nurturing. Not about spending money on luxuries.
As Kelly Brogan MD says, it’s about learning how to ‘self-husband’ – how to pay attention to your own body as your priority.
Truthfully, when it comes to self-care, Kelly Brogan has been one of my greatest teachers. I’ve learned so many deeper layers of how to take incredible care of my body, my mind, and my overall health from her course, Vital Mind Reset.
(If you’re ready to stop overextending and start tending to your own needs, I invite you to explore the magic of this course yourself. Learn more about Kelly’s Vital Mind Reset right HERE!)
Experiencing the potency of impeccable self-care is a life-changing act.
It’s about allowing yourself to trust that you, yourself, are in the best, most loving hands at all times – your own!!
With so much love and pleasure,
Regena
P.S. Do you have your own self-care rituals? Hit reply and let me know your top 3 favorite ways to take care of YOU!