A little over two years ago, a new desire bubbled to the surface inside of me.
I wanted partnership with a man.
But, here is the balls and ovaries truth about me (and so many women).
I would not know a healthy, happy, connected romantic relationship if I fell over one. Those of you who know my story know that there was only a scant trace of healthy masculine in my childhood. I have no sense memory, no body memory of feeling surrounded by the loving presence of a man, being seen by a man, or feeling safe with a man.
Being scared, overwhelmed, violated, and disconnected felt normal to me. Like home to me. Familiar. So, daring to desire something I knew absolutely nothing about felt kind of outrageous.
Wanting something you cannot even imagine is audacious. Bold. And necessary for all women.
Well, basically, for the last few thousand years, women have been fed nothing but scraps at the banquet table of life.
Living in a patriarchal world culture — that devalues life, devalues the feminine, devalues love, has no regard for humanity — leaves all of us starved and ignorant. Most of us don’t even get enough daily nutrients to thrive, much less dream.
But as an alive, connected, feminine being, I know that the outrageous is the only space where there is nourishment. And creativity. Truth. Joy. Satisfaction. It’s where the banquet is set.
There is no reward in following the grooves on the tracks that have been laid for us. That will keep a woman small, powerless, and settling for crumbs.
Even though I never had a slice of the healthy relationship pie, I wanted to taste it. Feel it, know it, own it, in my small fragile human form, in this lifetime.
But as you have probably experienced too, the first time you try something new, it very often tastes repulsive. And you might even spit it out.
I recall that my first dollop of caviar landed quickly in my napkin.
Same with my first olive.
But there are things that are worth acquiring a taste for.
It was time to conjure. To attract. And I knew I could not do this on my own. I would need the GPS (Great Pussy in the Sky) to guide me. And show me some major billboard-sized neon signs along the road.
And plenty of them. Because I was highly likely to miss more than half of them.
I find the best way to draw in something you know absolutely nothing about, is to be bold as f—k.
The first thing I did was to create a desire list. Every road worth walking starts with a longing. Yearning. Note to our New Year tradition: a desire is different from a resolution. Desires draw upon the feminine power of attraction. Yet, there is a cultural ignorance of the feminine power of longing. We are taught to use force, to work hard, to make things happen. But the way of the feminine is not about force. It is about inviting what it is that we want into our lives. Not passively, but in an alive, engaged way.
Keeping a desire to yourself is not as useful or effective as living it out loud.
Living a desire out loud is done by engaging with the world as if the world wants you to have what you want, and is supporting you in every way imaginable. It is trusting yourself and your desire, rather than mistrusting. Not easy! After we have all been taught to mistrust our feminine power to attract.
See if you can feel it with me, right now:
Think about something you long for.
(A trip to Paris? A baby? A lover? World peace? Passing the ERA?)
Can you feel the fun, the joy, the deliciousness of how it will feel when you attain that longing?
Feeling that you are a creative creature who naturally attracts everything she longs for in her life, is a different sensation of experience than feeling fear, lack, or helplessness.
Each of us is a powerful, unstoppable force of nature, when we nurture, enjoy, and rest in our longing.
I know, it is kind of a mindf–k. We think our power comes from doing.
And we all do really good stuff.
But ‘doing’ is not where your true pussy power roars to life.
‘Doing’, alone, keeps her small. Desiring is what nurtures her wildness, her expansion, her greatness.
Because she is your connection to Source.
So sister, shine your light.
Enjoy your abundance.
Trust your timing.
The game of drawing in a desire is actually a game of recreating your relationship with yourself and your higher power.
I started searching for my partner using both my masculine and my feminine wisdom. (We all have both, of course.)
I went online, I asked friends for their friends of friends, I talked to men at restaurants and bars. I dated a lot. Thought I was on the trail a few times, but got derailed due to circumstances. I met and found lovers and test drove a few boyfriends who fizzled out over time. And then, at the very height of my frustration, and the depth of my disappointment, my doorbell rang. (I had literally just been shouting at a friend, “You think the perfect man is going to show up, out of the blue, at my DOOR?”)
And a somewhat unassuming looking man appeared.
This man was at my door because a friend of mine, who had been coming over to help me but was stuck in a meeting, sent him as a replacement.
I’ve been with this wonderful amazing hot loving man for two years since.
I did not have to find him online. Or pick him up at a bar.
(Frankly, he is so modest, I might well have overlooked him.
I had always been dating Supermen and this guy is more Clark Kent.)
And now he is my person, my partner, the answer to my yearning prayer.
Peter has taught me more about love, intimacy, and healthy partnership in the past two years than I ever stood a chance of knowing, from where I came from, from all the years of living before him.
Yes, my pussy is that powerful. So is yours.
So, I ask you:
What does your feminine want for you, today?
How can you enjoy that longing, even for a minute? Right now?
Regena Thomashauer, aka “Mama Gena”
The School of Womanly Arts
Regena is a feminist icon, a teacher, a speaker, a mother, a best-selling author, and creatrix and CEO of The School of Womanly Arts.