What to do when you don’t get what you want

Sometimes it is just so easy to get what you want.

And sometimes it is just so deeply frustrating to be stuck – sometimes for years – in a cycle of knowing what you want, creeping so achingly close to the doorway, and seemingly, getting shut down, over and over again.

We all have stuff we are good at creating…and then, there are those things that seem to remain just ever so out of reach.

Or… are they?

There is a man that I love, and vice versa – but the circumstances of our lives are such that we can’t be together right now.

And I want him so much I can taste him. And he, me.


But that is not what is in the cards at this particular moment in time.

There are so many responses that a woman could have in this expansion and contraction, right?

I could be frustrated, enraged, petulant. I could rebel and run away, or rebel and sneak around, looking for cracks in the door that I could slip through, bulldozing the truth of what’s real, right now.

But here’s the thing…the Goddess is who I serve most deeply and devotedly.


Trusting her is my jam, my surrender, my path. And my Pussy drew in this precise set of circumstances.

She did not have me fall in love with a man who is available. She had me fall in love with one who is not.

So, how do I allow the flame of this love, this creation, to expand me and remake me into the woman I was born to become?

The last thing on earth I want to do is either regret this miracle of love, or turn this story into a tragedy of not being able to have what I want.


And truthfully, I did not seek out this circumstance. I got dropped – by the Great Pussy in the Sky – right into his storyline, as if there were some divine agenda that was bigger than both of us.

And I live for moments like that. Truly.  

So, here is what orgasm/my Pussy/the goddess teaches me: Love this. This. Right here, right now. Love this stroke. This experience. Of his presence and his absence.

Stay awakened to the woman I have become as a result of his love. Fill out all the spaces inside of me that his presence helped to inspire, helped to heal.

The way he sees me is my trail of breadcrumbs to even deeper ways of loving myself.


And I refuse to regret meeting him, even though I miss him so much.

My discipline, my task, my opportunity is to ingest and own every drop of what he brought to my life. To become all that he awakened in me – which has always been part of me – and just not yet visible to me, until he held up the mirror.

He thinks I am ridiculously hot.

That I am a genius – the cutting edge thought leader of today.

He thinks I am courageous beyond measure to have burned a hole in the culture to make space for Pussy.

He showed me that there are amazing people in the world who live devotionally and understand each other, instantly and deeply.

That I am a brilliant writer.

A magician in front of an audience.


Soulmates are real.

Co-beasting is a blast.

That I see the highest and best in him, and in all people.  

And here’s the thing, it was never his magic. It was my magic that he inspired me to see.


And trusting my Pussy – my Goddess – is trusting that every step of the journey is happening FOR me. That she is right by my side holding me, every day, as I live more deeply into the gorgeous, jewel-encrusted mirror he gave me to see myself.  

So…did I really not get what I wanted? 😉

When you don’t get exactly what you want – take a deep look at what you have.


With so much love and pleasure,

Regena is a feminist icon, a teacher, a speaker, a mother, a best-selling author, and creatrix and CEO of The School of Womanly Arts.


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