Why are you so “nice”?



Okay, so here you are, in bed with your new guy for the first time. He starts to kiss you in a way that makes you feel like he is a bull and you are a salt lick.
You really like him.
So, you say nothing, you just kind of try to hope that one day it improves.
Your partner continues to drink too much and get too loud at parties. You are utterly humiliated, but you weakly agree to drive home and say nothing. Again.
The gal you live with is a pack rat, and your apartment is gradually looking more and more like an overcrowded storage unit. But you don’t want to risk losing the relationship, so you hold your tongue.

I was so inspired by the outpouring of responses on my recent “Does your truth hurt?” blog that I wanted to go a little deeper with you this week.

Do you ever wonder, why do women make these choices?
They are being “nice.”
“If I tell him the truth, I might hurt his feelings.”
“If I tell her the truth, she might leave me.”
“If I tell her the truth, she will get mad at me.”

So, instead of saying the truth, I am going to be nice.

Why has that word turned my eternal stomach since the dawn of time?
The Latin root of the word is nescius, meaning ignorant. Interesting, huh?
Girls: sugar and spice and everything nice.

Be nice.
Look nice.
Act nice.


This is why women consistently, consistently, consistently fail to speak up.
And it is not that we are actually ignorant. Or we do not know. Women make a deliberate decision to dumb down. And sit on their truth.
They act nice, instead of speaking up and speaking out with their exciting, amazing, elevating, educative points of view.

And this failure is a not kidding no kidding problem.
It has led to a world run amuck.
With intolerable, inexcusable behavior.

I see this nice problem everywhere. Nice is silence. Nice is holding your tongue when you are hurt or offended.
Women—universally and habitually—sit on their truth.
My younger Sisters feel unable to call out the guys they date for bad behavior, because they want to be popular. Other women hold back in order to please their partners, or simply because they have never really learned how to stand for their own perspectives. When I was in Tanzania last month, talking to the teachers at the Kaloleni school, the biggest problem they faced was feeling unable to speak their truth to their men.
They told me that most of the guys drink too much, they don’t contribute to the household, and the women are left supporting their families. And women are afraid of speaking up, because they are afraid their men will leave them.
Sisters. We can do better.

Let’s talk Todd Akin. Politics aside, for a moment: Where was his wife, Lulli? She is a homeschooler. She could have clued him in before she sent him out stumping. And where was his mother? Teaching him to understand, honor and respect a woman’s body? (Lulli, call me. Woman’s truth is bipartisan.)

If women would give up being “nice” and toss in a huge dose of truth, everything would change.
Actually, truth is waaaaaay more nice than ignorance.
When a woman risks her truth, the world around her recalibrates and everything is elevated.

This is why I am so very excited to jump in and begin Virtual Pleasure Boot Camp next week.
The only way to disconnect a woman from “nice” and connect her with her truth, is through plugging her into The Womanly Arts. The Power of Pleasure is what frees a woman to go for what she wants, speak her truths, and stand for herself and her desires. Nothing else does. Nothing. Not ever.  Wanna see it for yourself? Check out my latest video here.

What you have been longing for most is always the last place you look, isn’t it?

Who knew that the discipline of pleasure could connect a woman to her core fire in a way that nothing else can?
I cannot wait to start unlocking and unblocking the truth with my Boot Campers.
I am so grateful to those of you who are joining me in VPBC. Living truth is high risk.

I want to know, where in your world are you longing to spill your deepest truth right now?
And what would you say?
Is it with your partner?
Your kids?
Your work?
Your family?
What would you say to the world at large?
How could your perspectives elevate everyone around you?
What do you see that no one else seems to notice?
Let it rip, Sisters…it’s time.

With so much love and pleasure,
Mama Gena

P.S. Feel like detonating a truth bomb with me? The troops dispatch for Virtual Pleasure Boot Camp in just ten days! If you want in on the action, enroll online here or call The Palace at 212-787-2411 x1.

This event already happened. Check out Virtual Pleasure Bootcamp.

Photo: lizlinder.com


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