Have you always wondered why women always say it twice?
And with that worried tone??
Because let’s face it, sisters. Women downright suck at making decisions.
“Did I say the right thing?”
“Did I wear the right thing?”
“Should I have done something different?”
It is an insidious and nearly invisible piece of cultural conditioning that has been handed down, generation to generation, paralyzing a woman’s ability to take her place on the world’s stage as utterly and completely and ravishingly herself.
Women are terrified of making mistakes.
We are terrified of doing something wrong.
We don’t want to offend, ruffle feathers, or risk being criticized.
And this is so deeply ingrained, carved and branded inside a woman’s soul, that she can’t even feel the instantaneous way she pulls herself out of whatever equation she was in.
Years ago, I was taking riding lessons, and I was at the barn, riding my horse, Lacey. Well, she wasn’t my real horse. She was a school horse that belonged to the barn where I rode. But I liked to pretend that she was mine. I’d get to the barn early. I’d groom her. I’d take her bridle home and clean it. I’d bring her carrots. I’d love every cell of her spirited, sort of misbehaving, high-maintenance attitude. Lacey was magnificent in her certainty.
There was no in-between. She either loved you, or hated you. And when she hated you, you knew it. She’d try to buck you off. She wouldn’t listen. She’d fights every step of the way. And for the most part, she got her way. More often than not, she would be replaced with another, less drastically opinionated horse. But, oddly, Lacey was filled with compassion. When someone truly required her gentleness, she put out. My daughter Maggie did not really ride. She was a rank frightened beginner. And Lacey treated her as gently as if she were made of glass.
During my lesson, I was practicing jumping her over some cross rails. I would get up to the jump perfectly, and then, dissolve, handing the controls over to Lacey.
My teacher noticed this, and said, “Regena, you have to make the decisions about where and when to jump. You can’t leave it up to her.”
“But I am afraid of giving her the wrong signal — because I am not sure exactly when I should have her take off — so I let her decide.”
My teacher said, “Don’t be afraid to make a mistake. The worst thing you can do is not be in charge. In fact, make lots of mistakes — you are just learning to feel for the right timing. You have to go over hundreds of fences to get this down.”
And as soon as she gave me permission to make mistakes, I was free. And I found that sweet spot to jump her from — every time I came to a new fence.
What a feeling.
I decided to take the hall pass she gave me, to make lots of mistakes, in every corner of my life, this week. And it has cut my decision-making time a thousand fold.
I pretend I am on my thoroughbred Lacey, jumping a brand new fence, and I say yes to some new direction that I have no idea about — with abandon.
There is real raw fun in opinions. Strong directions.
Please give me your responses, feedback and comments on this topic, below.
How do you handle decisions about opportunities you have no experience with?
Do you torture yourself with indecision?
Do you run boldly in some unknown direction?
Do you doubt yourself into extinction?
This week, I offer you a hall pass.
Let yourself make dozens of mistakes, proudly. I bet you will find the sweet spot every time. I look forward to responding to all of your comments!
Looking for more than just a hall pass? Join Virtual Pleasure Boot Camp, our foundational course to The Womanly Arts, and get the tools you need to unleash the wild woman within and experience the pleasure that is your birthright.
With so much love and pleasure,